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(Terri returns to the office, trying to tell the guys to control their excitement over the Snooper Squad policy.) Terri: Uh, one moment. Glenn: We give it to her, she'll write what we want. Glenn: Bit too much like your ex who broke your heart and then dumped you with a text message? Ollie: It was a fucking e-mail. Do you not think that maybe she's a bit junior, I think. What about Angela Heaney? She's at the Standard now, isn't she? Hugh? Hugh: Yeah. I'll tell you, we, we need someone at the Standard we can give this to.

We'll 'double-bubble' it, yeah? We'll leak it to the Standard for the early editions and then trail it on the World at One. So we can do it this afternoon at the school, can't we? We can, uh, we can clear the press conference that we've got. He said that he's very much right behind us on this and it's very much what we should be doing. Terri: So the, um, the Prime Minister's authorized you - he has authorized you to announce it, has he? Hugh: That's very much what he signaled, yes, very clearly. It's a chance for me, Glenn, to get on Richard & Judy and plant that flag right on their fucking sofa. Terri Coverley: The one with the spending implications? Hugh: Yes, and the Prime Minister's view, it turns out, is very much, 'Fuck the spending implications, I like it.' Glenn Cullen: Good. Hugh: (correcting himself) Snooper Squad. Ollie Reeder: Anti-Benefit Fraud Executive. And, um, remember the, um, um - Ollie, your Benefit Unit Fraud. (Glenn, Ollie, and Terri are very interested.) Yes. Because this morning I had a chat with my very good friend, the Prime Minister of Great Britain. I've got us a very, very tasty little morsel. I've got - Ollie, I've got something for us. Joining Hugh in his office are his staff members: Glenn Cullen, Hugh's senior advisor and best friend Oliver 'Ollie' Reeder, Hugh's junior advisor and Terri Coverley, the department's Chief Press Secretary.) Hugh Abbot: Shush! I've got something very important to say. (Hugh Abbot, the new head of the Department of Social Affairs, is calling a big meeting to announce his first major policy. Cliff: You want me to write my own obituary. Tell him you're jumping before you're pushed - although we were gonna push you, but not because of press pressure, but because of your deeply held fucking personal issues, whatever they were. You no longer have purchase in the sarcasm world. You're in no position to dish out fucking sarcasm. David Topham has got it into his head that we are gonna sack you because of press pressure. And you know why? Because no one who matters thinks any less of you over this - so far. And you know, I have written some very nice things about you in the PM's reply to your resignation. What, like, um.shooting up in the Cabinet Office or something? Stuffing a cat up my arse and having a wank? What do you mean, scope? Malcolm: You know, this could be a great deal worse. I thought that would give you adequate scope. (Cliff looks at the resignation note.) Cliff: Personal reasons. Cliff: I KNOW WHAT TRANSPORT FUCKING ENTAILS! (Malcolm gives Cliff his infamous 'bollocking stare.') Cliff: Look, look.Look. Cliff: What? And Social Affairs isn't? Malcolm: OK, the Department of Social for Commercial Affairs is very important, but it's not Transport. We can't lose anyone at Transport, they're important. What about Tom? Everybody knows he's fucking up Transport. Also drafted you a letter of resignation: gives you the chance to say that you're jumping before you're pushed, although obviously we're gonna be briefing that you were pushed, sorry. I've booked you in for the usual soapy tit-wank farewell at Number 10, in 20 minutes.

Cliff: You've told the Lobby I'm going? Malcolm: Yeah. Malcolm Tucker: I've made the announcement: I've told the Lobby you're going, Cliff. (Malcolm Tucker has just told Cliff Lawton, the head of the Department of Social Affairs, that he has to resign as Minister.) Cliff Lawton: Malcolm, look, um – if you do this, it's the bollocks of the jungle out there, you know? They're like wolves. He is, he's useless, he's as useless as a marzipan dildo.

Dream daddy a dad dating simulator spinnmaster series#

Series 1, Episode 1 (Malcolm Tucker's first line.) Malcolm Tucker: (on his phone, in Cliff Lawton's office) No, he's useless.